Hospitality is more than a friendly greeting or a warm cup of coffee—it’s the soil where discipleship grows. Julie Hagen shares her journey of finding a welcoming faith community and explores how intentional, mutual hospitality can transform a church into a place where people are seen, loved, and ready to share God’s love with others.
Here you’re safe. Here you’re loved.
I moved to a new city several months ago and began visiting churches to find a new community. The whole idea of church shopping is intimidating, even for someone whose vocation is to help churches love their neighbors! There was nothing wrong with any of the churches I visited, but something was missing. Eighteen months into the search, I finally found a faith community and finally found the missing piece: hospitality
When hospitality feels real
I visited the church with a group of young adults from the seminary, an annual trip that explores how people of faith are in ministry with their neighbors. After worship we stayed for a simple meal, and I visited with a few folks close to my age. The next day I had a quiet conversation with the pastor while a workshop for the larger group was being facilitated in another area. We were outside in a beautiful setting, and there was a lot of space in the conversation; one would talk, and the other would listen. I felt heard and seen. The next day, I got a text from a member who introduced herself and said her husband enjoyed meeting me at lunch on Sunday and said that I was welcome back any time. The pastor connected me to her because she had space in her life for new friendships and we have a couple of things in common.
People come to church for many reasons. Some are looking for a place to serve, some a place to rest, and increasingly some are coming to seek refuge—often sparked by encounters with ICE and other government agencies. But I believe, no matter what motivates the person to walk through the church doors or participate in a church ministry for the first time, they will come back if they are truly seen and feel a connection with the people of the congregation.
Building a culture of hospitality
I began to wonder how John, the pastor, cultivated such a welcoming space, so we sat down and talked about it. When he first visited the church (two years before being called as pastor) he left the service without a single person speaking to him. Not even a greeting as he entered the sanctuary. Now, a dozen years later, newcomers are noticed, numbers are exchanged, and invitations are offered without any expectation of reciprocity. This is very intentional. He explained it this way: there is a spectrum of hospitality, and mutuality is the center.
He aims for the high center of the spectrum, where the result of hospitality is having people deeply involved in the life of the church and caring for each other spiritually, physically, and emotionally. It is a balance between changing someone and being changed by someone. A balance between giving love and receiving love.
Hospitality is enacted during worship through three key components of the service: the greeting, the passing of peace, and the extended “commUnion.” John usually starts with announcements from the floor, not on the altar “above” the congregation. It’s always a bit cheeky, injected with self-deprecating humor. He comes across as an affable, scatter-brained guy.
Recently, he started out by saying, “I’ve gotten some complaints from a few of you about the youth group.” That got everyone’s attention. “You say they’re having too much fun, and it’s not fair! You want to have fun, too. So…the youth are organizing a trip to Enchanted Rock this Saturday, and everyone is invited.” Note this: the youth are organizing, not the pastor, or church staff.
John has a rule: paid staff are not allowed to lead ministry. He may come across as scatter-brained, but it’s on purpose. He wants to create space for people to step in and lead, referring to it as the “C” student principle. He says that, in school, “A” students are high achievers who seem to not need any help. “C” students need a little extra help, and someone like a parent or teacher generally steps in to offer it.
Hospitality in the weekly worship rhythm
In our church, passing the peace is laity-led. It is usually a three- to five-minute message about something the person experienced during the week. A recent and powerful example of this is heartfelt distress over ICE activity. The person did not preach; they simply shared the anxiety and feeling of helplessness they were experiencing. They invited us to experience that emotion too, and we did. Then we arose and passed peace.
It takes a long time to make your way around the pews to greet everyone and it’s not on a strict schedule. This is a perfect opportunity to create connections and deliberately build community.
After the sermon, bread is broken and grape juice is offered. The benediction is not a charge to action: it’s a blessing. This reinforces one of John’s other insights about hospitality—don’t ask for something in return. While the congregation actively loves and serves the Lord, they are not asked to do that at the end of worship. We are reminded of God’s grace, provision, peace, and presence, then we are invited to “commUnion.” It’s a simple meal and most importantly a time to linger and get to know each other.
John sees the potential for activating this gathering even more fully by creating space for deeper spiritual discussions and connections. The community meal budget line is sacred and non-negotiable. If the allocated budget isn’t sufficient to provide a simple meal each Sunday, members of the congregation, not the pastor or paid staff, organize an occasional potluck.
Hospitality as the soil for discipleship
Hospitality itself is not discipleship. Practicing hospitality, the mutual and intentional giving and receiving of welcome, is where discipleship thrives. When people are safe and loved, when they are touched by the good news in tangible ways, when their cup is filled, they are then able to share God’s love from that overflow. I wonder if that is what Jesus meant, when he said, “God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I’ll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age.” (Matt 28:19-20 MSG)
Related Resources
- 5 Steps to Help Your Church Be Friendlier to Guests by Karl Vaters
- Leading Topics: Enhancing Your Church’s Hospitality and Welcome, a special edition of Leading Ideas
- Ask Better Questions: Turn Sunday Small Talk into Sacred Conversations by Laura Heikes
- Be The Welcoming Church, a Lewis Center video tool kit resource
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